Something Has Changed
by Alwaysgurl2013
Summary: Something is up with Ziva and Tony wants to know, wants to understand what she is going through, and wants to be there for her. Rated T just incase...
1. Chapter 1

Tony's POV

Something feels off, that I know for a fact. The way Zi acts towards me shows she is worrying about something, the way she doesn't focus when I am trying to talk to her, the way that she has even zoned out on Gibbs, well something is wrong for sure. She has never been like this; not in the entire 3 years we dated or in the entire 2 years we've been married. Something was definitely wrong with Ziva and I needed to figure out what. Why was she shutting me out?

I knew she would close herself of to me every now and then, it's what she had been trained to do as a child, but it has never been like this. During the time we dated, she had insisted that she would tell me, but she always needed to be able to think before she talked. I gave her time and she did always come to me and talked, but always within a 2 week period. It has never been a month of her closing herself away from me. Could I have done something?

I think through every possible idea of a reason she could be shutting me out. Did I forget her birthday? No, her birthday November 11, and it is almost June, so not her birthday. What about Jewish holidays? Zi wasn't one to celebrate a lot of the less known ones as there were many that didn't permit working on the days of and Zi can't miss that much work and be allowed to stay on the team, and so I know that can't be it either. Our anniversary is January 17, so I know I am not missing that. But what about work? Did I overreact to anything that may have made it seem like I was trying to much to be her husband and not her partner? I think through all the times she has gone after the killers and I know deep down that I haven't overreacted, I married an ex-assassin after all; Zi knows how to protect herself, so I don't usually overreact. Could any of the cases we had dealt with affected her and I hadn't noticed? We have dealt with drug dealers, bombers, and a group of counterfeiters, but none of this would have affected Zi, at least I didn't think it would. What if it was something that had nothing to do with me?

Ziva is sitting at her desk looking at her computer screen with a blank expression. I watch her as she reads whatever is on the screen while twisting my token of love around her ring finger. After a few short moments of her looking at the screen, she types something out and after she goes back to reading, her hand moves to her neck where she starts to play with the Star of David necklaces that she wears all the time. She seems nervous and I want to be able to get inside her head and help her get through whatever is bothering her, but I know that trying to get into Ziva's mind would take a mind hacker that is as advanced as McGeek is with computers. I can't help but wonder, though, if she will ever let me in. Sitting for a month watching her struggle with whatever is bothering her bothers me. Back when this first started, I tried to make jokes to her that were set for her to make comebacks, but even Gibbs gave a few weird looks, when Ziva gave bare minimum responses. It's the same way when we are at home though as well. Like this morning when we were getting ready to come to work, I watched as she pulled her curls half up so they were out of her face, but when I try to say anything about how beautiful she is in my eyes, she gives me a slight courteous nod, and goes back to getting ready; whereas just over a month ago if I said anything along those lines she would smile at me, give me a witty comeback filled with flirtatious words, and tack a "my little hairy butt" on the end, which would have made me smile.

I am pulled from my thoughts when I see Ziva stand up and walk towards a vending machine. I quickly check my pocket for money as I walk to catch up with her. She stops at the vending machine and looks trying to decide what to get.

"You choose, I pay," I say as I stop next to her.

"I have money Tony. There is no need for you to pay." She says calmly and, to my disappointment, with little emotion behind it.

"We are married, remember Mrs. DiNozzo? What's mine is yours and all that jazz," I say flashing her my best DiNozzo smile, but she doesn't even turn to look.

"I remember Tony." She says shortly, "But that still doesn't mean I can't pay for my own things."

"I don't understand Ziva."

"I earn money and therefore I can pay for-"

"I get that Zi. What I don't get is why you are like this."

"Like what Tony?"

"Shut away from me."

"Tony, I am not."

"You have been all month. You don't push yourself to be included in the discussions unless you have to be, you ignore ever joke I push towards you, and usually after two weeks you let me in, but it's been a month and I want to be able to talk with you about things, not at you."

"That is not what is going on…" She mutters.

"Yes that is what has gone on and I am worried that you can't talk to me Ziva. You trust me right?"

"Of course Tony," She says, her brown eyes looking at me for the first time in a long month. "Nothing has changed."

"No Ziva, something has definitely changed."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: I am a person who doesn't really like author's notes myself, so this will be really quick! I have a livejournal (cookinggurl2013) at where I will post updates talking about my stories and asking opinions and such, so yeah :)**

Tony's POV

She starts to walk away from me, but I reach for her hand and snag it before she gets too far away from me. "What Tony?"

"I love you." She looks at me, almost as if she wants to tell me.

"I love you too." She says quietly.

"Then can we please talk about what is going through your head that is shutting you away from me? I want my Ziva back."

"Not now… not here…"

"That's ok with me, as long as you promise we will talk soon." She nods.

"Of course Tony." She starts to try to pull away from me, and all I really want to do is pull her back to me and wrap my arms around her like I have been dying to do all month, just hold her close and never letting go. But instead I just watch as she walks back to her desk, shutting herself away from the world. I see McGee walking towards me, and even though I didn't want to really talk to him, I knew he wouldn't let me get away with not letting him.

"Tony, are you and Ziva having problems?" he asks.

"McGoober, even if we were I wouldn't tell you, but we're not." I pause and think to myself for a moment. "She is just shutting the whole world out and I don't know why yet."

"You've changed you know." I look at him like he's crazy. "Since you and Ziva started dating and once you two got married, I mean. It's a good thing, none the less. You learned to care for someone other than Tony DiNozzo."

"Well, let's just hope that me changing in the past 5 years is enough for her to open up to me."

"She always does DiNozzo." Gibb's voice says from behind me.

"Right Boss."

"Grab your gear; we have a dead Marine who is half on a ship and half in a forest." McGee and I look at him like he's crazy. "His lower half of his body is in a forest 10 minutes outside of Fredericksburg and his torso is located on a ship in the Chesapeake Bay. DiNozzos, you will be going to the ship. McGee you and I are going to the forest." He says as he starts to walk towards the door. I grab my bag and the keys. I offer a hand to Ziva, like I do every time we leave NCIS, which she takes. She still seems far away though, like she is in her own little world. I give her hand a squeeze and she looks up at me.

"You're zoning out on me Zee-vah." I say, purposely dragging her name out to see what she does.

"And what if I was Toh-nee?" She smiles weakly at me, and it almost felt like old times again.

"Well I might just have to find a way to keep you from zoning out Ziva," I say, wanting to keep the bantering going on, savoring the moment.

"Not at work Tony," She said, dropping my gaze, and returning to be half in the real world and half in her zoned out world. We walk out to our car and as I start driving I can't help but wonder if maybe she will talk to me during the ride.

"Is now a good time for us to talk Zi?"

"Tony…" she looks over at me and I glance over and catch the look of shame on her face before turning back to the road.

"If you're not ready, I understand Ziva,"

"I... I just don't know if now's the time to let the dog out of the box."

"Cat out of the bag, Ziva," I weakly smile while saying it. "And we have over an hour to talk about anything Ziva. I just want to be on the same page as you, sweet cheeks."

"I don't know how to say it though. It won't form into sentences in my head my little hairy butt." I smile at the use of her pet name for me, which helps the hope that she will soon return to being my Ziva stay alive.

"Just try… please." I grasp her left hand in my right, still using my left to drive, and squeeze her hand lightly, trying to encourage her. She takes a deep breath.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Read my livejournal for updates about my stories :). **.com/

Tony's POV

"I always wanted something permanent and I thought that our marriage was that, but now even that can be taken away. I want to be able to live without fear of losing everything, especially my one permanent solid foundation. But that must be too much to ask, because Ziva David can't have a permanent anything." The tears had started falling and I pulled over knowing that trying to focus on both the road and her wouldn't help anything.

"It's a good thing you're Ziva DiNozzo then, because if she wants permanent, that's what she's getting." I try to make her laugh, but it doesn't work. "Ziva, I promise you, our marriage is forever. I promise, nothing is going to change that. Remember what I told you in when Saleem had us, that I couldn't live without you? That is still as true today as it was then. I can't live without you. Now tell me about what could ruin our marriage in your mind. Why are you thinking that you are going to lose everything?" She tried to take a deep breath to calm herself, but the tears combined with the sobs, makes it hard for her and that hurts me; to see her hurting and to not know what it is that hurts her, to not be able to assure her that everything will be ok in the end.

"One mission. How- why couldn't- what happened there-"She couldn't get sentences to form properly.

"Ziva, breath. You're not forming sentences." I take both her hands in mine and she looks into my eyes, tears spilling over the rims as soon as they reached it. I try to get her to breathe with me hoping that she will calm down enough to talk. She eventually started to calm down. "Now let's try this again." I smile softly at her.

"There was a mission," She started. "From back when I was 15. There was a plan to take the leader of a huge corporation in Israel, one that by taking him it would protect many of the people of Israel, my father said. Because of this he sent a few agents undercover to get the man, but we were found out before the takeover could happen, causing two agents of ours to be captured and the other two to get away. My brother and I were the two that got away. They hid the leader for years as they didn't want us to have a chance of finding him."

"Why would this affect our marriage?" I was confused.

"I am getting there Tony. They found out about the takeover because one of our agents accidently dropped a hint to another agent and one of the loyal members of the leader heard. I was 15 and it was my first undercover mission. I was posing as a maid and I wanted to make my father proud by helping complete the mission, but many told him I wasn't ready for this and they were right. I was the reason the mission failed. I dropped a hint to an agent and they hid the leader because of me. My father shunned me for months after it happened and he still blames me and I understand why he does. But as I am the only living member of the team of agents, he says I have to go in when they go to capture the leader once more."

"Ziva, you don't have to do anything. You are no longer a part of Mossad, you are an NCIS agent."

"My father says by not going I would dishonor the family again, but I know that if I go in, it will most likely be a suicide mission and I would never make it out." She keeps talking but I can see in her eyes she is back in her own world, almost oblivious to the world around her. I want to tell her flat out that I won't let her go on a suicide mission, but she starts talking before I can. "When I was younger, my father sat Ari, Tali and I down, when I was maybe 6 years old, and told us that our number one goal all through life should be to bring honor to our family. How can I say no to bringing honor to my family?" She pauses and returns being out of her own world and looks deep into my eyes. "Tony, how can I not honor my family? If I don't, then the dishonor will pass on to our child."

"Ziva, I won't let you go to be killed, just so you can bring- Wait our child?" All the thoughts going through my mind stop completely. "Ziva, are you pregnant?" She nods, lowering her eyes from mine. I reach out and slowly lift her head so she is looking into my eyes once more. "If we have a child on the way, I am keeping you safe. I won't let you and our child be killed because your father is trying to guilt trip you into doing his dirty work once more." She looks at me with tears in her eyes. "When did your father contact you about the mission?" I asked, even though I am pretty sure I know when it was.

"A little over a month ago."

"You know you can always talk to me about things right?"

"Yes, of course Tony. I needed to be able to think and then I found out I was pregnant and I wasn't sure how to react to that. I am carrying a child, but I am being asked to be a killing machine once more. What kind of God would let a killing machine carry a human life inside of them, an innocent little baby?" Ziva wasn't one to question her faith.

"Maybe this is God's way of saying that you shouldn't go on the mission; that you shouldn't let your past life change how your present life is."

"I thought that at times, but then I thought about how Tali was always the one to want children when we were growing up. She begged our mother to let her babysit the neighbor's kids when we were younger even though she was no older than a child herself. She was the one that could play with baby dolls for hours, while I wanted to play games like battleship with my brother and his friends. She never got the chance to grow up to be a mother like she wanted, so why should I get the chance?"

"Because you and Tali weren't and aren't the same person," I said as it was the only explanation I could think of.

"She died bringing honor to our family."

"Do you really want to end your life the same way she did?"

"No. I want to have our child, I want to grow old with you Tony, I want to watch our children as they hit their milestones, I want to see them get married, and I want to see them have children. Tony, I don't want to die now." She told me tears streaming down her face once more.

"Then you don't have to sweet cheeks. We will stand together through everything and teach our children that it's alright to make mistakes, that just because you make a mistake, it doesn't mean you have to live trying to make up for it the rest of your life."

"Thank you Tony."

"I just want what's best for you. Ziva, I love you so much."

"I love you too, Tony."


End file.
